Dating an emotionally unavailable person
For me, the moment my relationships got hard, I’d have a very hard time showing my genuine interest, so I put on a fake smile and said things were fine.But inside I was truly losing interest mostly because I didn’t know how to deal with the relationship challenges. The only thing I ever owned was that I didn’t want to call her my girlfriend.Being emotionally unavailable doesn’t mean he’s dead.It means he’s not serious about falling in love at this point.“Now the fact that we are emotionally unavailable doesn’t mean that we’re no longer desirous of a woman’s attention and affection.Thus, underneath all of these behaviors lie unconscious motives that serve to keep him safe in his comfort zone. So while I can’t personally identify with guys who are shut-off from love, I can acknowledge one thing: they keep me in business.When we go out together, we’re going to do everything we’re supposed to do to make sure you have a good time and if you let us, we’re going to do everything in our power to please you sexually. Because a good guy takes pride in making sure a woman in his company has enjoyed her time with him.”Amen. You’d be hard pressed to find any of them who would say, “That Evan is a miserable asshole. You claim to be a powerful woman, but you don’t act like it.(Oh, boy, now we’re cutting close to the bone…)“Men use a formula to assign value to the women in their lives and a large part of that formula is derived from how much we believe that woman values herself.
)Here are a handful of excellent take-aways that I want you to internalize ASAP, so you will no longer waste time on another dead-end guy:1.It also doesn’t mean we’ve lost the ability to perceive attractiveness and beauty and it most definitely doesn’t mean we’re no longer interested in sex.We will want all of those things, and we’re still going to work toward getting all of those things. Maybe it was our overt actions (not claiming you as a girlfriend). Maybe it was our actual words (I’m not looking for anything serious right now), but you didn’t pay attention.A confusing part of being attracted to unavailable, commitment-phobic people is that the emotional or sexual chemistry can feel so strong.You accept behavior that you’d never tolerate in friends. The electricity can feel so incredible and rare, you may mistake intensity for intimacy.